Burruises

I have these really cool bruises down my right side.

I'd like to say that I was fighting a gang of thieves,

or that I ran in front of a car to save a child,

or that I was thrown against the craggy side of a rock during a hurricane.

But the truth is,

I was buying a vending machine burrito and a second burrito looked like it was about to fall so I was slamming my body against the machine to try to get it to fall.

Those hooks have a better grip than you'd think.